Sephiroth's Theme Song
by Natural Seoul
Summary: With a theme song as evil as his, is it any wonder why Sephiroth went to the dark side?


Disclaimer: Nothing owning.

* * *

Sephiroth was calm. Cool. Collected. At least, that was what he told himself. In fact, he would like nothing more than to sheath Masamune in the stacks of paperwork he had breeding on his desk. The _General _of the Shinra _army_ had better things to do than sign the same nine letters so often that -if he wasn't immune from such things- he would have carpal tunnel syndrome.

He had stopped reading them, only giving them a quick perusal. He scanned for words like "battle", "killed", "explosion", and "war". Those were the important ones. Oh, he'd better look out for "science" and anything derived from said word. Hojo already conned him into enough things without having his signature to back it up. He paused, looking at the clock on his wall. It was almost time for Za-

"SEEEEEPHYYYYYYYY!" –ck. Sephiroth heaved a much put-upon sigh. His exuberant excuse for a friend, Zack Fair, visited the General daily after duty.

Sephiroth noted with mild amusement that Zack had managed to knock his clock off the wall. At least this time he hadn't broken it. He watched as the man attempted to buff a new hole out of the drywall. His excited entrance had slammed the door into his office wall, leaving a neat crater.

"That will be coming out of your pay check," Sephiroth said calmly, being used to such things.

"Yeah, yeah. It always does," Zack looked down at the carpet, scuffing it with his boots for an embarrassed second. After an appropriate amount of "I am a kicked puppy" silence, he perked up with: "lookit what the PR department made!"

Sephiroth pushed the object thrust in his face away, uncrossing his eyes. It was… a miniature version of Zack. With a plastic sword clipped in his pre-moulded hand. The figurine had a vacuous grin painted on its face. The hair, true to life, was spiked enough to be a hazard to small children under the age of two. Sephiroth looked from the action figure to Zack, and back.

"Remarkable. They got your expression just right," he said, watching Zack laugh at his own expense. Zack shook his head, spikes swaying.

"They got yours just right too!" he brandished another figurine at the General. What the…? He was face-to-miniature-face with himself. He stared at it, a slender eyebrow raised incredulously.

The action figure was about an inch taller than the Zack one. His face was expressionless, lacking the idiotic grin the Zack toy had. He also had a rather long sword clipped in his hand, mimicking Masamune. Zack flung himself into one of the chairs facing Sephiroth's desk, a figure in each hand. He beamed at the nonplussed General.

"…I need to make a phone call," Sephiroth told his second-in-command-cum-friend. Zack was engrossed in making the action-figures fight, clicking them together with a child's vicious abandon.

"Hello, may I speak to Director Lazard?" Sephiroth gestured to Zack to keep the distinctive noise of smashing plastic to a minimum. "Director. When I was to be informed of the new PR campaign? I… signed a consent form…? Yes, yes… theme music? Voice clips? I… yes. I can come down at two. Good afternoon, Director." Sephiroth looked at the paperwork in shock. He had authorized this thing himself? What else had he agreed to?

"They're quite catchy," Zack said, looking up from his mock battle.

Sephiroth was amused to see his figurine had managed to break the Zack figurine's arm off. The General was tempted to do so in real life as well.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, my theme song is all heroic. Genesis's is kinda gay though. Angeal's is all manly. The Turks get a one; its all sneaky. But yours is kick-ass. I mean, the Latin was cool, even though the kiddies won't get it."

"Where did you get those, anyways?"

"I stole them from the development office, cuz they're just pro-to-types," Zack enunciated carefully. "These ones don't have the voice clips."

"What sort of things will these… toys… say?" Sephiroth was horrified to imagine children across Midgar playing with a miniature version of himself. And what would the fangirls do? The Silver Elite would be rampaging in hormonal happiness.

"Not sure about yours, but mine says stuff like 'Hi! I'm Zack! Wanna be buddies?' and 'lets mosey!'" Zack answered. He fiddled with the cruelly removed arm, trying to put his figure back together. Sephiroth felt his stomach drop as he thought of what he would be required to say. If they had him saying something like 'let's mosey' he would have to do something drastic. They had better make the packaging sophisticated.

"This is… unpleasant…" he muttered. He shooed Zack out of his office -at swordpoint- before settling into his chair with a sigh. He wondered about this "kick-ass" theme song of his. Latin? At least that was somewhat sophisticated for a toy campaign. The General decided to see if he could access the PR files on his computer. Clicking, he listened to the song.

Dramatic tones burst forth from the speakers. _Very bold_, Sephiroth thought with approval. Some violent guitar chords. _This is an ad for children's toys?_ A choir began chanting:

"Estuans interius

ira vehementi"

_Violent anger… now that you mention it_…

"Estuans interius

ira vehementi

Sephiroth!

Sephiroth!"

_V__ery nice, very nice…_ He was grinning for some reason. The song was rather catchy.

"Sors immanis

Et inanis

Sors immanis

Et inanis"

_Whatever that meant…_

"Veni, veni, venias,

Ne me mori facias

Veni, veni, venias,

Ne me mori facias"

_Oh, damn_. Now he wanted to go and kill things. The song was getting him all pumped up.

Sephiroth watched the computer absently as it started playing Zack's song. He quickly put his song on repeat as he worked through his paperwork… _thoroughly_. Though he did not notice, he had a bloodthirsty smirk glued to his face.

(_…my son…)_

* * *

Stalking down the halls, Sephiroth couldn't help but mutter the song's lyrics in his head. It had repeatedly played in his head for the last two days, and he couldn't take it anymore. The violent clashing of the guitars, the dramatic strings, the choir singing of violence!

He felt the urge to kill things… kill them… (_that's right my son. Kill the wretches who stole so much from Mother…) _He brushed past a rather startled Zack.

"Seph. Seph! Did you know you're humming your theme song again?" he asked worriedly. Sephiroth _never_ hummed. Or grinned like a mass-murder in the middle of an unarmed town.

"…I suppose I am… I have to do some… things…" the General muttered distractedly before stalking off, his hair fluttering with a life of its own.

Zack just shook his head, confused and a bit scared. Ever since he had listened to that song, the General had been… different. Colder, more prone to violence. Once or twice, Zack had caught Sephiroth speaking about (or worse, _to_) his _mother_ of all things.

The worried Second Class recalled the fight Angeal had told him about. The other day, Sephiroth had fought Genesis and Angeal in the virtual training room, hurting Genesis and shattering the training VR. Apparently, he had fought his friends like he would Wutai troops. He had smirked, humming his theme song as he clashed with his friends. It was like he was losing his mind… like he was evil because of that song!

And it turned out that Zack was right. Throughout the events that followed, whenever Sephiroth was up to world-ending deeds, he hummed his theme song with a little, evil, smile.

* * *

I mean, come on. That song is seriously evil. If it was _your_ theme song, wouldn't you feel a little bit evil too?

Version 2.0. Fixed up a couple of mistakes. Might add a second part later with Sephiroth recording his clips. Any suggestions? Remember, kids toy.


End file.
